My father is 73 years old and living in a country town in NSW called Narrendra. It’s a 6 hour drive from Melbourne where I live. He has been living here for the last 3 years and I had not seen him for over a year. In the past, relationships have been a little strained due to particular family issues. Under these circumstances, its easy to forget he exists due to the distance.

However, last weekend, I took my mother up to visit him. Both of them are divorced and living separate lives but still good friends. I played golf with him on Sat and that was simply a most wonderful experience. Why because I was doing something special with my father. Playing golf over the decades has been a special father & son activity for us. It promotes our bonding. Our golf game was not flash but the experience was poignant.

Seeing him and spending time with him reminded me that I have a father and someone who really loves me. He has never stopped loving me as his son. His generosity flowed i.e. paying for everything like he has always done. He was so happy to see us. It was like the highlight of the year for him. He introduced us to his close friends up there. He’s still proud of his family. I felt guilty for neglecting him and made a resolve to ring more often and come up at least twice a year if possible. I now want to bring my son to spend some time with him. This will happen in a couple of weeks time when I travel to Sydney with my son. Instead of going straight to Sydney, we will stop off overnight and visit my father and spend some time with him.

Children need their grandparents and grandparents need their grandchildren. Each have important roles to play in their lives. Both children and grandparents tend to miss out due to the tyranny of time and distance. But both these challenges can be overcome with some purposeful resolve and effort.

What are the lessons from this experience?

1. If your older father is still alive and you have not made contact for a while, pick up the phone and ring to say hello and tell him you love him. Then make arrangements sometime this year to visit if this is possible.

2. Look at the positives (overlook the negatives) in your relationship with your father. He’s not perfect and no matter what he has done (good or bad), there is always a father’s love deep in his heart for you. Try and connect with that.

3. If you have children and your father has not seen much of them, try and rectify this. Use technology to help with photos, email etc if distance is prohibitive.

4. If your father is not alive anymore, try just writing him a personal letter from you and let your emotions for him pour out on paper. Let this be private and personal. This is highly theraputic.

5. Treasure whatever time you have left with your father, especially if he is advanced in years.

Most of all, give your older father the FREEDOM to love you as his son. Then give back that love.

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